A reader writes:

I’m a happily married woman who works at a company that somewhat blurs the lines between work and friendship. While working at this company, I have learned that I’m a social butterfly. I enjoy socializing with colleagues after hours at trade shows, company events, and informal gatherings, especially when we have out-of-town colleagues visiting from another part of America or another part of the world.

My husband is an introvert through and through, and we’ve had to learn how to navigate our opposite natures when it comes to my work’s social events. Basically, he only attends the events that are very important to me or events that only have a small group of people who he knows well, and I attend the rest solo. This works well for us. I can fill my social battery as I see fit, and he doesn’t feel forced to make small talk with people he’ll likely never see again.

Sometimes, I want to catch up with colleagues of the opposite sex who I don’t see very often. My husband knows he has nothing to worry about, so he’s fine with me grabbing dinner or a drink after work with visiting colleagues. It’s usually a small group of mixed sex people, but occasionally it’s just me and maybe two other men (I’m in a male-dominated industry). My husband does not have a problem with this at all.

However, I come from a very conservative religious family that definitely does not approve of opposite-sex colleagues socializing outside of the office. I think that’s a gross, outdated, and sexist mindset (partially thanks to reading your blog!), but I’m struggling to come up with a script for how to shut down any negative comments. No one has said anything to me directly yet, but I see the sidelong glances when I happen to mention attending a work event and my family discovers that my husband was not there with me. Aside from ignoring their glances, which has been my strategy so far, do you have any suggestions for what to say? I’m not great at quick thinking when I’m suddenly put on the spot, so I should probably have something in my back pocket to use just in case.

And if you have a script for my husband to use, that would be helpful too. Even though he doesn’t mind my social activities, he’s at a loss for how to defend our choices to my family.

If you’re willing to keep ignoring their sidelong glances, do! That’s a perfectly fine way to handle it. If they have something to say, make them say it before you bother to engage. Why borrow trouble, if you can ignore them!

But I can also understand why those sidelong glances might really irritate you. They definitely would me. So if you’re looking for things to say, or if they say something that requires a response:

* “Dealing with men one-on-one has been normal and expected everywhere I’ve ever worked. It’s not 1825.”

* “Mike and I have a great marriage so it’s a non-issue. Would you not trust Bob around female colleagues? That must be really hard.”

* “Mike and I trust each other. Is there something making you concerned about my marriage or my trustworthiness?”

Obviously these last two are a bit more confrontational — but your relatives are the ones making that necessary by implying, essentially, that you’d cheat on your husband (or, I guess, that your male colleagues are waiting to prey on you).

If they respond with something about how they trust you but the men you work with can’t be trusted: “I’ve never known anyone I work with to be less than professional and respectful. If you’ve had different experiences, I’m sorry to hear it.” Or just, “Matilda, please — we’re in public spaces and it’s 2025. This is part of being in the workforce.”

And as for what your husband can say: “Jane and I trust each other. I’d worry if our marriage depended on line-of-sight supervision at all times. Why, does yours?” Okay, he doesn’t need to say “does yours?” But he should be thinking it!

If these are all more aggressive than you want (and I realize they might be), another option is to just laugh and say, “It’s not an issue.” Because it’s not — and you and your husband are the ones who decide that, not anyone else.